You are sad because you deserved better.

You deserved peace and happiness.

You deserved to be cherished.

You deserved to be heard and understood.

You deserved to be protected.

In your most vulnerable moments is when they came for you. Purposely misunderstood you.

And you paved the way. Things will never be that way again, because of the pain you endured. That you still endure.

And yet still somehow here you are, the villain, the wicked. The bad guy.

My heart hurts so much for little me. Oh the things she deserved.

She never deserved this. And even though it’s years later and things are abundant and wonderful and beautiful. That pain is still carried. And the only thing to do is feel it and move through it. Because certain types of pain don’t just go away. You learnt to bare it and grin. What else is there to do?

Thank goodness for 3 smiling, admiring faces. Faces that could never look at me with such disdain. Eyes just like mine. That maybe don’t understand my pain (yet) but know my heart, body and soul. There is more than just 3 hearts. 4 or 5 or 6 or 10. These are major blessings.

The blessings are so real. But that pain still lingers. It surprises me in my reactions to things. It surprises me when it chooses to come out. Humbling me always. Girl you are not healed. Healing is not linear.

But never forget. You deserved better. You will never get the apologies you deserve. And it is what it is. It’s not okay. But there is nothing you can do to control that situation so you have to make it okay.

One other thing before I sign off. I love you and little me would have been in awe of everything you have accomplished. Significantly cooler than you ever could have dreamed of. And literally living a dream life. Beyond your wildest dreams. So the sadness is worth it. Remember that.